I’m not good at introductions or conclusions. I stutter over hellos and goodbyes, I respond to every “how are you?” with “not much, you?” and it always takes me just a little too long to realize that you’re holding out your hand for me to shake it. So I try to shake it, but my hand goes limp, and now I’m scared you’ll crush my delicate finger bones in your business-like bear trap of a hand, but I didn’t wanna be your friend in the first place, and now my hand is broken, get away from me.
Except now that you’re leaving, I have to say goodbye, and that’s another awful process by itself, because I don’t want to leave you with a bad impression, nor do I want you to feel comfortable approaching me a second time, because then I’ll have to say hello again and you’ll ask me how I am and I’ll respond with what I’ve come to believe is the truth — not much.
I am not much, nothing special, nobody. If you’ve stumbled into this blog, you’re probably just looking for the bathroom, and that’s okay, it’s the one next door.
If, however, you think you’re in the right place, well, h-hi. Let’s both try not to be too disappointed with what we find here — maybe some bad poetry, maybe some boring non-fiction, maybe some pathetic attempts at prose. All written by me, the awkward lump in the corner who is trying not to meet your eye.
Oh, I forgot to tell you my name. Liz. Well, Elizabeth Burnam, like the title of the website, but my friends call me Liz, and it looks like you and I are going to have to be friends now, doesn’t it? You’ve stuck around this long, listening to me ramble. You can back out at any time, you know. You can say, “actually, I do have to go to the bathroom,” and I will let you go, and it won’t matter how well I say goodbye, because I know I’ll never see you again.
No? Okay. Then, maybe take a look around. Read some of my writing. I’m not sure if it’s any good, but maybe you’ll think it’s good, and that would be cool. Maybe you write too, and you can send me some of your writing, even if you don’t think it’s any good either. Maybe I’ll think it’s good, and wouldn’t that be cool?
Anyway, I’ll leave you to it, friend — see ya.